Dear Liliana,

You were like an angel, gracing my life from the heavens above. A refreshing breath of air, a serendipitous charm, always there at the right moment, especially after the disappointments of another failed marriage. Your presence in my life felt like a touch of good fortune. You became my muse when I desperately sought inspiration.

When I was alone, I was just an ordinary man, but with you by my side, our adventures were thrilling, like those of a CIA agent tracking Chinese spies. Your colorful hair, always a statement of your vibrant personality, turned heads wherever we went, and I swelled with pride to have you, hand in hand, by my side.

Our age difference never mattered to you. You would often declare, “age is just a number,” eloquently arguing how trivial such differences were, especially in your homeland. Your perspective was a refreshing antidote to prevailing attitudes, and your words never ceased to captivate me, no matter how often repeated that “American’s were so ridiculous for being so concerned with age”.

You knew, and you helped me believe, that love transcends numbers, barriers, and judgments. Love was our shared language, and in our hearts, we spoke it fluently, embracing a connection that felt pure and timeless.

Do you recall our enchanting journey to Thailand? The thrill that coursed through our veins as we rode a moped together, recklessly weaving through the city’s maze. Our hands intertwined, we strolled through night markets, eyes wide and hearts open as we explored trinkets and treasures. Those intimate dinners by the ocean’s edge, the taste of romance flavored with salty sea air, are etched in my memory.

And who could forget the froggy pajamas you lovingly picked out for my little girl? Can you believe the way she cherishes them, still wearing them after all these years? Your bond with her was special, your goodness resonating with her youthful innocence. She remembers you, so vividly, to this day.

I can still see the two of you on my kitchen floor, joyfully pretending to be dogs, lost in a world of play and laughter. It filled me with such pride to know you, to see the love you brought into our lives, a love that transcended the ordinary and made even the simplest moments feel extraordinary.

I fondly remember the joy in your brother’s eyes when he discovered you had found me. Your unique ability to appreciate the beauty in both men and women was something special we all recognized, though your father wished for a more conventional path for you. Eager to explore your desires I opted to pass on that when I saw your taste in women. We laughed when I told you that I just realized that you were not going to play the butch in the relationship. 😋

My Indonesian enchantress, with only one name. I’m sure your singular name helped evade capture from the spies of the night although they knocked on the walls and forced us to ingest their hallucinogenic rhetoric. You were the oxygen that necessitated my blood. You were the iron to my blood cell. You were the protein that binds my hemoglobin. Your cunning ingenuity made you a sought after asset that any lab would want to hire as their genius.

I was aware that our time together was limited. The thought that you would eventually return home to Indonesia after school hung over us, yet it never dulled the vibrance of our moments shared. And so, you did go back, leaving me to face the harsh realities and pain of an unrelenting divorce. You returned once more, a brief and shining interlude, only to go back to your homeland again. But in those transient moments, we found something lasting, something that time and distance couldn’t erase.

After reaching out to you the other day, I find myself yearning for your friendship here. Your words, once again, were like a life-giving breath that revived my dropping spirit, pulling me from a dark place. At that moment, I felt vulnerable, weighed down by accusations and doubt, led to believe that I had failed in every role, as boyfriend, as husband, as father, as son. But you, without even knowing the full extent of my turmoil, swooped in like a guardian angel, lifting me from the wreckage of despair. Your reassurance of my goodness to you felt like a saving embrace, and for that, I thank you with all my heart. I find myself longing to continue what we once shared, and I earnestly hope you’ll accept my invitation to meet again in Asia, so we can pick up where we left off, rediscovering the connection that once brought us so much joy and strength. But I know things are different now and that possibility would be slim if at all existent.

Thank you for the enchanting moments we shared, however brief they were. They’ve left a mark on my heart, and I find myself hoping that our paths will intertwine once again in the near future, reigniting the connection that once brought us such joy.

-Your old American Loverboy