Thanks to a comment by @LargeHardonCollider@lemmy.world
[https://lemmy.world/u/LargeHardonCollider] , I checked and saw that ‘Federation
debugging’ mode was enabled. I had enabled that when the server just started
(less than 3 weeks ago) and I had an issue with federation. I thought I had
switched that off again, but apparently not. This mode causes the federation to
be done in the foreground, so your ‘Post’ or ‘Comment’ action will wait for that
to finish… This solves the most annoying issue, and makes the site way more
useable. There are many other issues, but we’ll get there.
Pretty good news, and likely useful information if anyone out there is running their own Lemmy instance.