I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
Hey guys, it’s time to mature up and admit that Vance probably did not have sex with a couch.
He made love to it. Also, the couch was totally asking for it.
You know the couch was into it… When the couch doesn’t want it, nature has ways of just shutting all that down.
I’m sorry… I’m way outta the loop on this one.
Someone explain?
Vance fucked a couch
(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)
Edit: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/jd-vance-couch-memes-associated-press
AP pulled the fact check at one point
This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump’s VP, someone made a shit post saying ‘Wow, I can’t believe he said he had sex with a couch, that’s wild’. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of “You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?”), but that didn’t really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.
Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch”. HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said “No, he has never had sex with a couch” but, technically speaking, unless they’ve been spying on him for his entire life, there’s no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a ‘Well, then he must have done it, obviously’ and the memes continued.
Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there’s proof.
Hope that answered most of your questions
Edit: slightly wording fix
I didn’t even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, “What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn’t tuck a couch…? Does that mean…?”
tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme
And right is weird
Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.
Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.
This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we’re in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.
There’s only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.
Stark difference in the immediate memes that came out about Harris vs Vance. Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut tree is quirky, couch is weird.
Coconut Tree is Wine Mom trying to explain a legitimately profound idea she read in a book once in college.
Couch is Creepy Uncle trying to lure you into his shed.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
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Beep boop. This action was performed automatically. If you dont like me then please block me.💔
If you have any questions or comments about me, you can make a post to LW Support lemmy community.It’s so funny to see FOX News doing The Whitey Tape to themselves.
Fox News? More like Cocks News, am I right?
