It gets easier, it doesn’t matter how much it sucks, time heals.
I remember seeing my ex used to cause a spike of adrenaline and a feeling of dread. Last time I saw her, a few years after we split, I barely recognized her and didn’t care once I did.
I recently had a moment of panic at work, a person from a different area was in the break room and was the spitting image of my ex. Albeit, a bit taller.
If my wife left me, I’d die of an STD from all the strange I’d be banging non stop, every day. And from avoiding any parties with her in them
Maybe I’m wrong but it sounds like you don’t enjoy life with your wife so I guess the question is why are you married?
What people want from decade to decade is ever shifting. I don’t think marriage is good in that sense unless you both shift together which is next to impossible. Who I was 10 years ago is not who I am now. I want to be free but nothing I can do about it now