I’ve been having a dought. It’s a small nagging one but it’s there.

I’ve been working a lot with my therapist on self hate issues, but I can acknowledge them.

I realized I can never really be in any kind of physical relationship with somone because of this. I’m repulsed by myself and perhaps my asexuality is just a result of that.

I wonder if I am so repulsed by myself that the idea of me being with anyone is rejected because of the “me” part and not how I feel towards others. Where some may think “I want to kiss that person” I can’t bare the thought if subjecting somone to me in that way. And therefore the thought is gross.

Does anyone else deal with this? Any advice?

  • EmoBean@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    10 months ago

    The burnout is no joke. And working so hard, giving my entire life to them, just for them to pop in one Friday to say yeah no you’re gone, we need someone who isn’t burnt out. That’s my expectation for every job at this point.

    My problem is finding a job that aligns with me. If I really wanted to I could easily get a job with the navy, Raytheon, Lockheed, Honeywell, etc. but I just can’t bring myself to a part of war. The only people I’ve helped are delusional millionaires. I want to actually help people. I’m ready to abandon my college educated high paying career to just do something simple but fulfilling.

    Fuck missiles and drones, I want to be a counselor.

    • Seigest@lemmy.caOPEnglish
      1·
      10 months ago

      The world desperately needs more counselors If it’s where you want to be I really hope you find a way into it.

      • EmoBean@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        10 months ago

        I know, and it’s something that I would be very well suited for, I feel. I just don’t know how to find my way into it. All of my education is far away from that field, but I’ve always had deep interest in people, the mind, and mental health. I get imposter syndrome doing work I am very skilled and knowledgeable in, just looking at getting into counseling gives me imposter syndrome.

        • Seigest@lemmy.caOPEnglish
          1·
          10 months ago

          That one would have a lot of volunteer opportunities. It’s be a good way to network and get a sense of what you’d be getting into with far less pressure.

          Though I notice some volunteer roles are a lot more demanding these days. Keep a lookout and eventually one may come along that work for you.