By Chuck Derry For many years, I facilitated courtmandated groups for men who batter. In the early 1980s we were concentrating on healthy relationship skills building, emotional identification and selfcontrol, and anger management, among other related issues. Then battered women in Duluth, Minnesota, began gathering to discuss the impact of the violence on their lives.… Continue Reading Abusive Men Describe the Benefits of Violence
I don’t see the author empathizing here, I see them attempting to help others come to terms with why abuse happens. It happens because the abuser finds a benefit in it.
The difference between realizing that you’re being abused because someone finds the abuse useful versus thinking it’s something they just kind of stumble into and do accidentally can be the thing that solidifies getting away from it.
Victims of abuse have a mountain of shit to work through, and a lot of it consists of internalized messages that they’re crazy. Any tool that can help with the realization that it isn’t okay and isn’t their fault can be incredibly valuable.
OK, yeah I agree with that. I don’t feel like people could take this with them from the article, but I see your point. It is just so incredibly hard not to frame it all as your own fault and see the abuser for what they really are.
I don’t see the author empathizing here, I see them attempting to help others come to terms with why abuse happens. It happens because the abuser finds a benefit in it.
The difference between realizing that you’re being abused because someone finds the abuse useful versus thinking it’s something they just kind of stumble into and do accidentally can be the thing that solidifies getting away from it.
Victims of abuse have a mountain of shit to work through, and a lot of it consists of internalized messages that they’re crazy. Any tool that can help with the realization that it isn’t okay and isn’t their fault can be incredibly valuable.
OK, yeah I agree with that. I don’t feel like people could take this with them from the article, but I see your point. It is just so incredibly hard not to frame it all as your own fault and see the abuser for what they really are.