I have decided to go with “hair vignette.”

Not to deflect the conversation, but is there a name for that circle-hair-beard thing? “Tragic” isn’t specific enough, and so have to think there’s a name for it. I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen it in memes.

Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.

First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.

Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.

Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.

There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.

It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.

This is seriously the most adorable cat I have ever seen!

Just curious because I’m only half-remembering how it’s determined - Would a clone of the kitten have the same colorations?

I’d feel like you could get better advice if you give more details, and maybe ask about LGBT friendly cities in some of the LGBT communities.

ABQ isn’t bad, but it’s not homeless friendly, and it gets cold in the winter. You could live outside of Albuquerque in the east mountains for relatively cheap but would need a vehicle to get into town.

But seriously, there’s more going on there that I think you might be able to use advice on.

It really seems like you might have bigger issues than deciding between Albuquerque and Columbus. I can tell you about ABQ, but maybe you can give some more details about what’s pushing you to move, and why you’d look at those two cities in particular.

Worst. Episode. Ever.

Rod Serling, right?

Planned Parenthood. The Trevor Project. My local LGBT resource center. ACLU. EFF. I’m also looking for trans supporting groups that can supply emotional and material support and community.

Hey! Welcome, and congratulations for making this post. It can be really tough, even given the anonymity of the internet. It can be tough just recognizing your own truth and feelings.

I’ve been involved with the LGBT rights movement since we called it gay liberation, and I marched with ACT UP to get the government to research AIDS. I remember those dark days, and I remember everything we went through to get to where we are. I got bashed multiple times, a couple of times very badly. I got bashed for being queer even before I knew who I was.

We’ve made an incredible amount of progress. We’ve gone from actors being terrified of being outed to queer media being embraced by all major content producers. We went from being shamed into invisibility to police departments and defense contractors wanting to march in Pride. We went from something like 3% of the silent generation admitting to being LGBT to survey takers to about 20% of Gen Z, if I’m remembering that stat properly.

At the same time, and as you well know, we are now the target. Again. The republicans, with absolutely nothing else they can use to appeal to people, have gone full Anita Bryant. The violence is ramping up, and the laws are being passed. Fortunately, they’re being fought in court with some success, but there have been setbacks. I expect to see a negative turn in public sentiment, although it’s still on our side.

First things first - be careful. Be less worried about genocide in the US and more worried about Bubba in his roll coal pickup. Be really careful about who you date, but even be careful about who you talk to. I’m cis, and I’m not going to speak over the trans community, but there’s going to be a number of things you have to consider including work and your social circles if you’re not out yet.

Second, though, is that you have to be your authentic self. Rejection and depression kill far more queer folks than homophobes and transphobes do, especially via substance use and bad reactions to life circumstances. Get in touch with the community, whatever it is where you are. You need to be able to talk to people who have been there and done that, as well as people currently dealing with it. You can even decide to accept the potential bitchiness and hop on grindr to find people just to connect to your local community.

If you’re in a dangerous part of the country and you have the ability to move, know that most if not all of the major cities have large and vibrant communities. Obviously, there’s NYC, LA, the Bay Area, and Chicago. If that’s not your speed, try checking out college towns in blue states. I don’t recommend places like Austin these days, because the “blue city in a red state” strategy is no longer viable at this stage of the culture wars. Also weird little towns like New Hope, PA.

Also, watch and read queer media. Shows like We’re Here are deliberately made to give people a sense of confidence and self-empowerment. There’s probably thousands of hours of movies and TV that can help you find and embrace your voice. If you’re afraid of someone seeing your history, try using an account from a friend you’re out to, or get your own subscription.

Find your people, find your heart, be careful, but be yourself.

The “paradox” here is that by being tolerant of intolerance, we are actually decreasing the overall level of tolerance when normally we’d expect tolerant behaviors to increase tolerance.

Compare it to the “death wave.” When someone stops in a multi lane intersection to allow someone to cross in debt of them, the pedestrian/vehicle can’t see around the stopped vehicle and this can result in them being hit by a motorist in the adjacent lane. It feels like you’re being safe and considerate, but you’re actually putting the other person in more danger than if you had simply followed the right of way. It happens often enough that a name has been coined for the phenomenon.

Tolerating hate increases hate, not tolerance. Tolerating hate in the extreme decreases tolerance not only relative to the hate, but because once hate takes over they eliminate tolerance (see Florida).

Then I’d just make it $100 and call it a day. $100 seems like a very generous amount in gift card form (like you’re less likely to forget it in your sock drawer), while $100 cash doesn’t seem like as big of a deal.

I’m not generally big on giving gift cards, but if they’re asking for one it’s going to be appreciated.