You could if you had faith in yourself. My momma always said “Jeff, you could do anything you want if you weren’t so damned stupid”. That’s why I never had faith in myself.

Sorry for your disappointment

I’m celebrating by getting drunk!

No, I have a life. Just kidding, I don’t have a life, or fantastic shits.

I’ve been wondering why people have been reposting Reddit posts on Lemmy. If I wanted Reddit posts, I’d go on Reddit.

So, you’re one of those anti-stage people. You’re what’s wrong with the world today. We need to get rid of all the anti-stage people so we can have a better tomorrow.

Yeah, everyone in my party is perfect. Your party is the one that’s full of dumbass douchewads that just want to rape children and kill puppies. Your party is the only thing stopping the world from becoming nirvana. I’m referring to the enlightened state, not the 90s band. I don’t want you spreading disinformation or fake news saying that I want everyone on Earth to be in the same band. That would obviously be too big of a band to fit on stage.

My biggest fear is waking up without my penis.

I said something that was 100% non-offensive, non-argumentative, and non-political

This is 2023. Everything is offensive, political, and people will argue about it.

Bill

I had so many issues with Bitwarden on Android that I couldn’t use it. I’m using KeepassDX. It works well on Android, is FOSS, and isn’t cloud based.

“Hygiene and Shit” is going to be the name of my next album.

Wife : “Promise you won’t have sex with my sister”.

Husband : " I won’t have sex with your sister under any circumstances, (quiet part); unless I have a legitimate interest in doing so."

I’m not using Jerbia right now. The image doesn’t crash Liftoff, but it does take 20 seconds of scrolling to get past it. Please refrain from posting this crap again.

I’m a scientist myself, and I’m baffled at how my toaster always pops the bread out when it’s perfectly done. I don’t think science will ever figure out how that works.

I remember 1990. There was nothing arbitrary about it.

I was thinking of gettingy ex-wife a hoop skirt for her birthday.

Every time they say that “scientists are baffled”, I think that they’re just talking to the stupid scientists.

I’ve found DC to be the rudest bunch of people I’ve ever met. Everywhere I’ve gone in DC the people are just totally rude assholes. Everywhere I’ve been in the south has just been nice, polite, helpful people.

That one on 25th Street that I hit the other day. Oh wait, you said “plot”. Nevermind.