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Cake day: June 13th, 2023

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  • True to the OnlyFans stereotype, most of the chats were overtly sexual. I had to wade into several prosaic fantasies about babysitters and office blowjobs, some of which included laughably florid professions of love for me. I couldn’t help but ponder how disappointed these men would be if they could somehow see me sitting in my home office, sipping hibiscus tea as I typed out commands for them to manipulate their genitalia or deposit their semen on certain parts of my body. The most surreal moment came as I noticed the faint sounds of my daughter and her puppy watching Bluey together down the hall, right as a subscriber was waxing poetic about how much he wanted to eat a macaron from between my ass cheeks; the juxtaposition made me question the entire course of my life.











  • If you want no electronics in the mix at all, insulation is about your only option. Since fermentation is an exothermic process, you’ll also want to make sure you can keep it from getting too hot. Your beer will taste a lot worse from the yeast getting too hot than it will from the yeast being too cool.

    You can buy inexpensive temperature controllers, and if you can do simple wiring, it’s not too hard to add a power outlet (and an enclosure). From there a fountain pump some tubing, a cooler full of water and either a heat source or a cold source can serve as a simple way to regulate your fermentor’s temperature.

    The heat source could be something like an aquarium heater or a sous vide heater and will sit in the cooler (always on, not run to the temperature controller). You’ll tape the temperature controller’s sensor against the outer wall of your fermentor (with some insulation taped over it. A paper towel folded a few times works fine), put the fountain pump in the bucket of water with the fermentor, and run the tubing into the cooler. The output of the tubing should be run back into the bucket.

    When the fermentor gets too cool, the temperature controller will kick the fountain pump on which will take the water from the bucket and run it through the hot water in the cooler and back into the bucket. This will slowly raise the temperature inside the fermentor - and slow is what you want with yeast.

    You can replace the heater with ice or frozen water bottles if you need it to cool your beer in the warmer months. I did this for a while before moving to using a chest freezer and reptile terrarium hear mats regulated by the same temperature controllers.