Rakqoi

Oh that’s definitely true hehe… it’s probably never a good idea to approach polyamory expecting a triangle relationship or even striving for it… it’s already difficult to find people accepting of polyamory that you are compatible with, let alone two people who you are compatible with who are also perfectly compatible with each other.

My partners are pretty happy barely interacting with each other currently, mostly due to lacking common interests. At best, my partners in the past have been good friends who support each other. Only once was the prospect of a triangle relationship even on the table but that didn’t end up working out due to people drifting apart before we even gave it a chance. and my one poly friend that was in a 4-person polycule only was for all of a month before two people left the relationship.

Realistically, V style relationships (of varying complexity and “chain length”) are much more common and stable in my experience, and I think anyone interested in polyamory should take that into account when setting their expectations.

This is an excellent explanation with so much information that I have learned the hard way! Especially the points about not being ashamed, emphasis on communication and boundaries, and not stretching yourself too thin with too many partners.

Depending on your needs, your partners’ needs, and your (possibly multiple) relationship style(s), I’d say even three partners can quickly become a “full time” endeavor, which could end up with nobody feeling fulfilled if you’re not careful (plus the burnout is a very real threat)

I’d also emphasize more that opening an existing mono relationship to become ethically non-monogamous is a very difficult thing, and it’s very easy for your partner to take it poorly for one of a million reasons/assumptions. The relationship must be very secure and both parties need to be very mature and experienced and open to new ideas for even the conversation about it to end well, in my experience.

I’m not saying to throw out an existing happy relationship when I say this, but I just want to mention that it’s significantly easier to start from the beginning by only dating people who have experience with polyamorous relationships, once you have decided that polyamory is right for you.

It’s the same as with any other thing in the LGBTQ+ space, you can’t decide about it, you just are.

This isn’t an opinion shared by everyone who is ENM! But it makes me personally really happy to read from someone else. Yes, being in a poly relationship is a choice, but at least for me personally, being poly is just as much a core part of my identity as being asexual and panromantic, and just as much a choice (that is… not at all).

For me, I always was and will be poly at heart regardless of being in a poly or mono relationship, and I’ll always feel “incomplete” in a sense unless I can share my love and my life and my passions and struggles with more than just one person. Maybe my anecdote will offer some insights into what you’re feeling, OP.

Having partners who love that you are poly is so much more fulfilling than just having partners who tolerate it begrudgingly or refuse to let you even acknowledge that aspect of yourself.

It takes a LOT of time and effort to manually tear down one’s learned assumptions about what relationships are and should be, and build your own set of relationship guidelines from the ground up, personalized for you and your partners’ needs and desires. But the result of that hard work is more beautiful and fulfilling and true to oneself than any relationship built on traditional assumptions and expectations. (that applies to mono relationships, too)

Good luck on your journey, OP, and I hope you discover what’s best for you and pursue it to live your best life ^^

There is/was a fan made version of this in development! I don’t know the status of it currently, and I heard that development was rocky for a while… and they haven’t posted on the blog since 2020. But take a look anyway!

https://seaofgreed.com/

I have several hundred hours across the 3 souls games and ER, and I totally get that it’s a well designed mechanic, which is why I love it. and yeah, I know that valuing souls too much is a mental trap that prevents me from enjoying the game, but I just can’t shake it in Elden Ring for some reason, despite doing so more easily in souls games. (though, it especially sucks in DS2 because of soul memory but that’s a whole can of worms)

The souls series is one of my favorite game series of all time, and I would definitely not change the blood stain mechanic whatsoever because I think it’s about perfect. Especially with rings of sacrifice (or the weird twigs) and homeward bones to give you chances to mitigate the penalty when you really think you need to. It’s excellently designed and forces you to improve at the game.

Despite that, it still causes me hesitation and demotivates me from playing the games sometimes. I have to be in a specific mood to want to improve at a game, and I’m in that mood less often as I have more things I need to spend my time on, and usually play games just to relax and have an easier time nowadays. I still love Elden Ring to death and it’s genuinely one of the best games ever made (in my opinion), and yet I have a love/hate relationship with death mechanics in these games.

Here’s one I genuinely love and hate at the same time. In Dark Souls and Elden Ring, you drop your souls/runes (currency) on the spot where you last died, and if you die again before recovering them, they’re lost forever. You get souls and runes by killing enemies and generally progressing, so this leads to some interesting scenarios.

One one hand, it incentivizes you to spend your currency (to minimize risk of losing it) instead of just sitting on it, forcing you to make decisions on how you spend it, and whether to take the risk to save up to get more expensive items or level ups. It also forces you to play very deliberately, since there’s a penalty, but only if you die twice.

But… it makes me scared to progress, because I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t want to risk losing my souls/runes. Unless I have just recently lost everything and I have nothing to lose, I feel pressured to play overly carefully and never take risks and play the game in the most fun way possible, out of fear of loss. And even when I DO die and lose my currency, the freedom to play in risky ways only lasts for a short time, because as I kill enemies I start to build up my souls or runes again, and then I’m back in the same situation of not wanting to lose them.

I think that’s the main reason why I haven’t finished Elden Ring despite getting so close to the end. That overly careful playstyle is not very fun, but I can’t get over that fear of losing my runes in order to enjoy the game more.

In the same vein, Satisfactory and Dyson Sphere Program. I love planning and optimizing and it feels great to plan it on paper then build it in the game, only to run into countless problems, distractions, and rabbit holes of things to do to achieve my goals, requiring taking countless more notes to keep track of it all. Definitely one of my favorite genres of games.