Falling in love, maybe.

As someone who realized they are trans and therefore also gay within the past year…

Update: I was right, it’s cozy as fuck.

Also, most of the game is just clicking through dialogue while enjoying synthwave music, which is great for letting your mind escape, but is not for everyone. I’m definitely enjoying it.

I haven’t played it in years, but I remember getting really cozy vibes from “VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action”. You basically just talk to customers and hear their stories while serving drinks. I didn’t end up playing all the way to the end, but I remember it being really chill and laid back.

Come to think of it, since I didn’t know I was trans back when I played it, I’m now wondering if some of the cozy vibes came from diffuse, unrecognized gender euphoria via the female protagonist. Been meaning to play it again to see how it strikes me now.

Actually, this is getting me kind of hype to play it; I think I’ll fire it up.

I’ll second this. Finding it in the sidebar was a great help when my egg finally shattered around six months ago.

I was reluctant to watch those at first, for the same reason, but at this point I enjoy making an evening of it.

I mean, if I could shut down my office without getting fired and still get paid, I’d consider it too.

https://youtu.be/HZhGf3xv9hY?si=LSAkyyTlgWRb3hA4

There’s really no substitute for reading the whole thing, but if you just want to know what it’s about, it’s a semi-autobiographical, semi-hypothetical account of what it looks like to grow up repressing your gender identity, particularly if you happen to be assigned male at birth and like women.

If that has been your experience, it’s very likely to resonate. When I was still questioning, it felt so eerily familiar that it led me to frantically scour the internet for more information on the transgender experience until my egg finally cracked about 24 hours later (after many years of periodically peering around without really getting anywhere).

Love this text. Reading this is what started my final, frantic sprint towards hatching.

Mostly the same for me. I’d still be open to it if it’s convenient, DRM-free, and easy to back up somewhere, but far less likely to put effort into finding out.

Is that pronounced like the “ed” in a norse “edda” or like the “ed” in the garden of “Eden” (or some other way)?

Either way, I like it!

Great tips, thanks. I knew about the TransVoiceLessons one, but I hadn’t heard of the Seattle one before. I’ll check it out!

Perfect, thank you! This is a great starting point.

That all sounds like great advice; I appreciate it!

I like the idea of having a plan. I’m at the very beginning of transition, so just about all of it is ahead of me. For me, starting with HRT is mostly to stop my body from continuing to change in the wrong direction (hair loss in particular), because the changes take a long time so I might as well get started, and because it’s already clear to me that I would end up starting eventually anyway. I intend to explore every avenue of transition, but it’s definitely too overwhelming to do everything at once, so having a plan to follow would help to avoid spiraling too much and losing momentum that way. And tracking progress like you said seems like a great idea. I tend to get overwhelmed by To Do lists, too, though, so it’s a double-edged sword. 😅

I’m tempted to ask if you have any suggestions on which areas would be most impactful to start with, but that’s probably going to be different for everyone. And it might make more sense to do things in parallel anyway, since so much of it will take time.

I’ve experimented a bit with gaffs, but I ran into…ehrmm…logistical problems. Hoping HRT will help with that, actually. 😅

Definitely agree, though - they are well worth exploring more deeply.

Thank you, this is all great. I’m definitely going to be exploring all aspects of transition to find out what sticks. This post was meant more for things that might otherwise catch me by surprise, directly from the hormones.

I really like that idea about tracking statistics and checking levels. Do you know a good resource for understanding what metrics to track in terms of hormones, and what levels I should be looking for and at what times? Suggestions on which specific measurements are best to track the effects on my body over time are also welcome. Hoping to hit a sweet spot where I’m not leaving out anything meaningful, but also not going overboard.

Good tips, thanks!

I especially like that last point you made. Each time I read it, I get excited all over again! ❤️

Tangential, but since you asked…

Turns out “nervosity” is a word in English. It’s used so rarely, though, that I had to look it up to be sure. What you wrote was perfectly correct, but in that context, most people would probably say something like “nervousness” or “anxiety” (at least in my U.S.-centric experience).

For the record, having learned it, I now like “nervosity” better, and (unless I forget, which is likely) intend to start using it.

You’ve already got a ton of great advice, and it sounds like your next steps are lined up, so I’ll just throw in some words of encouragement and further reading in case you’re interested.

Since I had my moment of realization, the mindset I’ve tried to stick to is “the only way out is through.” For me, at this point, that means transition, but it doesn’t have to - that’s up to you. The reason I bring it up is because it’s very easy for this kind of thing to be derailed by the complexities, distractions, and dramatic events of regular life - especially if you turn out to be repressed and looking for excuses to kick the can down the road, like I was. You will likely benefit from sticking with it, in the sense of really engaging with this question and carrying through until you find a satisfying answer for yourself, whatever that answer will end up being. If you are transgender, delaying it will only mean coming back to it later in life, after having suffered needlessly. And if you’re not, there’s no harm in having taken the time to know yourself a bit better.

I’d also like to share some links that were instrumental to me getting through the questioning phase to the other side, in the order I encountered them.

• These two are related, and are about symptoms of gender dysphoria that are not obviously related to gender. Since you already read the Gender Dysphoria Bible, it probably won’t be news to you.
  • https://genderanalysis.net/articles/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/
  • https://genderanalysis.net/2017/06/depersonalization-in-gender-dysphoria-widespread-and-widely-unrecognized/
• This one paints a vivid picture of the kinds of experiences you might have had growing up if you happen to be a trans woman who likes women, and really drives home how it’s possible to grow up without realizing you’re trans. It did a lot to help me recognize myself in trans stories and really see it as a possibility.
  • https://medium.com/the-identity-current/plight-of-the-transbian-4ab1a048b09b
• This one gives more of a logical/philosophical argument that helped shift my thinking in terms of the possibility of being trans.
  • https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
• And this was the killing stroke, as it has been for so many others. The link is just to page one; to get the full story/effect you need to click through for the whole conversation that follows.
  • https://reallifecomics.com/comic.php?comic=june-29-2020

Hope some of that helps, or is at least interesting.