I just read through that and it was really helpful for me too. A lot of sexual hang ups I have originate I think in dysphoria and how I coped with it before even knowing I was trans. My experience coming out and coming to terms with myself and my own pain has been extremely illuminating as to why it is I behave the way I do. Why I find certain things so uncomfortable. Thanks for the resource!

Thanks for the comment. You’re right about the depression and anxiety not being necessarily related to my dysphoria. I’ve had severe depressive episodes my whole life, going all the way back (based on what my parents have told me) to when I was a young child. I know I’m not ever going to escape it entirely and I’ve made some peace with that. It’s just how my brain is. Been in therapy/psychiatry for almost a decade now, sans the last year or so. I do believe that a catalyst for my worst period of depression (when I was around 15) was puberty and I think that’s related to deep seated dysphoria and resentment of the changes that physical maturity brought about in my body. My depression is… I think better now than it has been. It’s certainly different with a different prominent sex hormone. Less prolonged episodes of detachment and emptiness, more severe intrusive thoughts and rumination—bordering on obsession. From what I’ve read it seems like a lot of other trans people also have experience with their symptoms of mental illness shifting or contorting after starting HRT.

I think making a plan and checklist to track my progress is a great idea. I think I’ve been overwhelmed with all the things I want to do and thus haven’t made steps towards any of them. Legal name and gender marker change, voice training, etc. Thanks for the advice!

Thank you very much for the comment. It really helps with the anxiety and doubt hearing other people have had similar experiences to me. Almost started tearing up at work when I read this 😭

It feels sometimes like it’s too hard and it would be so much easier to run away from it, but I know that it wouldn’t really be. Thanks for the reassurance, I believe some day it’ll get easier

I used to have a therapist/psychiatrist that I loved so much back in my home state, but I couldn’t keep seeing her when I moved. Which is dumb, I was only ever seeing her virtually anyway, so it’s just as easy for me to see her now as it was before. I haven’t started seeing a new one here yet because it’s hard to find a therapist I like and also money things. I have decent insurance but my deductible is really high and I can’t afford it rn.

I really only ever look myself in the mirror when I’m shaving for work every day. It’s usually hard to see myself as myself, and Im almost always dissociating from my physical form pretty hard so that I can at least accomplish the things I have to get done like work, chores, and errands. It’s hard to feel like I’m present in my body, ya know?

That being said, I definitely like my own appearance more now than I used to.

Thank you for the comment, it was reassuring. I hope that some day I too can look back on this as being the worst of my dysphoria.

My partner also has been encouraging me to make queer and trans friends IRL. It’s hard to find time when I’m having to work so much, but I’m getting to the point where I’m just going to have to make the time or continue to suffer.

I’m very tall and a lot of Torrid’s clothes end up being a little (or a lot) too short. Especially sleeve length, which is a common problem area in clothes.

I also feel pretty hopeless about trans rights in my country and the world over, but sometimes I get to see how people all over are making an effort to make us feel welcome, included, affirmed, and loved.

Same! My legal name is on some pieces of internal material which I totally understand. They’re usually like tax documents or whatever. One really annoying one is that my work email uses my dead name. My preferred name just redirects to my dead name in Outlook. I’m looking into getting my legal name changed ASAP so that I can change my legal name in the system.

Luckily there are a lot less systemic barriers against trans people in the NE US (where I am now) than in there are Texas. I still don’t understand the process of getting my name changed (it feels way too complex to me, possibly intentionally so), but it seems like it’ll be easier from what I’ve read so far. There are a lot of legal resources online to help trans people navigate the obtuse legal system. Hoping you can get your legal name changed soon, too!

Wow you look great, girl! I love that top, it works really well with your eyes!

Also, it can be wonderfully helpful to take your measurements! You can measure hip, bust, inseam, etc, by looping a piece of string around your body and then measuring it. Most clothing brands have size charts that let you match your measurements to their size rules. Remember that just because you’re a size 20 in one brand doesn’t mean you’ll be a size 20 in another, always check the size charts.

deleted by creator

Check out sockdreams! They have some great thigh high socks that come up halfway on MY thighs (I’m 6’4”) and they’re very comfy. If the socks are having trouble staying up, you can get some garters like another comment suggested. I got my garters through sockdreams as well.

If you want more fem clothes, I get a lot of my stuff from Torrid. Decent quality for the price, and they have a lot of clearance stuff which helps a lot with the cost. I have some really well fitting jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch, too. Plus size stuff is a safer bet since it often has long/tall options.

Best of luck!

It’s going okay today! I’m supposed to hear good things back from a new job opportunity which will finally let me move out of Texas!

Also saw myself in the mirror yesterday and was hit with some nice euphoria! After being on E for a while, I’m starting to get some nice hip development and stuff :)

How about y’all? Hope good things come your way!