I only purchased this toothbrush because that was the only way to get the water-resistant Entertainment Center/Speaker/Corporate Surveillance Device for the one room in my house that is the least comfortable, has the worst acoustics, and has the strongest expectation of privacy, and also I can’t just put a regular Alexa in like a plastic bag or something because I blew my plastic bag budget on a fucking app-controlled toothbrush or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be, jesus christ

Shit, an emulator getting taken down for… actual copyright infringement? You don’t see that every day.

Well your corp don’t dance and if it don’t dance then it’s no friend of mine

Nah man, think about it, rock makes no goddamn sense from a lore perspective. Scissors cut paper, sure, I can see that as a win condition. Rock breaks scissors? I guess that’s not wrong, but like, who’s out here breaking scissors with rocks on the regular? How did the rock become the scissor’s greatest nemesis? Then we get to the big one: Paper covers rock? You’re telling me this is such a devastating blow that rock has no choice but to resign in disgrace? You really want me to believe that a fist-sized rock couldn’t just plow through your standard sheet of 8.5x11" ANSI Letterhead like it’s, well… paper? The whole thing is propaganda by Big Paper and they’ve got us drilling it into our kids’ heads from day 1, and I’m not having it.

…Why replace the scissors when rock is clearly the weakest link? How does applesauce beat rock or paper? More importantly, what happened to these children that would even make them assosciate applesauce with rocks or paper? How do you even make an “applesauce” gesture with just your hand? Why play rock-paper-scissors applesauce at the swimming pool instead of the dozens of pool-specific games already available? How do you fit a three-syllable word like /ˌap.ple’sauce/ into the one/two/two-syllable cadence of /ˌrockˌpa.per.'scis.sors/? Is it an inside joke? A warning of “don’t play with scissors” taken too far? Have they independently developed the game of rock-paper-scissors from first principles and simply didn’t consider scissors as a mechanic? Are they in a scissor-based cult and trying not to speak their Lord’s name in vain? Why at the swimming pool?

I, too, am amused by these questions. That said, this is going to haunt me.

And why do we bake cookies but cook bacon?