Jake [he/him]

  • 4 Posts
  • 28 Comments
Joined 3 months ago
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Cake day: April 3rd, 2024

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  • Yeah, but neither makes sense any more. I use yymmdd in my default file naming for natural sorting hierarchy. I just don’t think in that context. I guess that makes this post an interesting reflection from a couple of extra angles.

    Our US 3 digit area codes for phone number regions are likely not really paralleled elsewhere in the world either. It’s interesting all the little cultural subtleties that shape the mind.








  • Blueberries, 3% salt brine, microscopic Mason jar deathmatch for a month with burping. It yielded ~600mL of savory, slightly fruity-ish juice.

    5lb chuck roast, dry- onion, garlic, salt, pepper, - twice–before and after rubbing in a course Dijon mustard. Then 4 hours @165F on a pellet grill with temp control via a stepper motor auger; mostly just for the bark-ish hardwood flavor. Then the roast was placed in a dutch oven with some old chicken stock, and a cheap beer with some onion, garlic, and a couple baking potatoes as filler to ensure the whole thing was covered. I cooked this for 6 hours at whatever temp my oven calls 250F. That yielded ~1000mL of juice… and some excellent shredded beef BBQ.

    I mixed both of those juices and simmered them down to ~600mL total, filtered, and bottled it. The final product is like a smokey Worcestershire sauce with a hint of fruity flavor that is quite weak, maybe on par with the amount of fruity one might taste in a Hefeweizen beer but a more complex savory flavor than Worcestershire sauce.

    Overall, I’m just at the initial fermentation experimental phase where I am not concerned with reproducibility, yield, or cost, and am just using everything free, cheap, or about to get thrown out as fodder for low effort experiments.

    Disability makes me physically limited but time rich. So this is an abstract exploration of my available resources.



  • The question is directed at you to your inner self. I am saying try to step outside of your inner voice's first person consciousness; like you are the objective third person narrator of your life and interactions with others. From this perspective, you can see many things more clearly. This region of the mind is the location of "hindsight is twenty twenty."

    None of us can objectively enter this third person perspective in the present or the future easily. In my mind I can picture something like a computer game. It could be Mario, Zelda, Warcraft; any game where the player controls the character from a third person perspective.

    Once you have this image in your mind; yourself on a screen in a game, it is not much more of an abstraction to change characters in the game. Now, in the game you write the narrative of your ideal partner; the person you are hoping this meet. Put yourself into the mind of that character like you’ve been playing as them in this game of life every day for years. What are your goals, where are you at in life, what do you want and need out of that relationship, etc.; become them in abstract within your mind.

    Now, insert an encounter between the ideal partner you are playing and your inner self in this game. You hit it off well and enjoy spending time together. After a few casual dates, things evolve into feelings. Your game character gets to the point of infatuated addiction when suddenly the opposing character tells you that they have plans to leave the area, and that they had known about this all along.

    I can’t continue this story for you without inserting my biases (more than I already have). Only you can answer if this kind of situation would bother you in practice. I am telling you that, the only way to know what is right or wrong for you, is if you can be objectively honest with yourself and assess the situation from a third person narrative perspective. If you can step back and say, “if someone did this to me, it would not bother me at all” then go ahead and do it. If the opposite is true, you will feel guilty in the end because your emotions and logic are in conflict. That inner conflict will eventually manifest as an external issue, likely through a mechanism called cognitive dissonance until it is resolved.

    I had a particularly hard time with the feelings you have mentioned; feeling that need to be in a relationship. It was more of an issue when I was in my early to mid twenties (in my late 30’s now). I think a lot of that feeling of need is the withdraw that accompanies shifting from life in school to adult life. I really wish someone had been able to tell me that humans are not cognitively fully formed until age 25 when the prefrontal cortex is fully formed. That is one factor, while introversion and extraversion are another major contributor. I’m introverted, so it is easier for me to be independent. I still have social needs, but I can fill those with places like here. Anyways, in retrospect, the person I was in my early to mid twenties, the one that thought he needed a relationship to be happy, he didn’t actually know himself very well. He was looking for himself in the wrong places. The things he learned that allowed him to mature and grow were many, but some were, an enjoyable daily exercise routine, a regular reading habit, and allowing his curiosity to run wild into interests.

    I could spend hours writing about that journey, but in a sentence, this is where I found myself and who I really am. The growth that came from this chapter of my life was immense and I am so glad that I wasn’t struggling through that with someone else that may have had a shorter book or some different chapters in life. What I’m trying to say is that, you may find yourself in a similar vain if you take the time to get to know yourself.

    Everything in life is just brain chemistry. In other words, everything about the human experience is a managed addiction. From the food you eat, to your circadian rhythm, to work, play, cleaning, reading, and relationships, it is all fundamentally a managed addiction. Your metabolic rate and its day to day average consistency will determine a lot about how you feel. If you engage in an endurance exercise daily, it will largely remove several inconsistencies related to what when and how you eat and sleep. This will balance hormones and becomes a major endorphin source. For me it was cycling, and still is in limited form. That will give you the emotional independence you need in order to explore yourself more. It takes 2 months to work your way into a solid routine that will then slowly shift and become harder to quit than it is to continue.

    You do you. I’m just telling you what worked for me and explaining it like I am talking to my former self, and assuming you are of a similar age and mind. Those are big assumptions, so sorry if they miss the mark.



  • Don’t stress about time. All of that is in your head, I promise. Like, I got hit by a car riding a bicycle to work 10 years ago and disabled in a weird way where my only limitation is holding posture. I’m in near social isolation but home life is almost normal-ish. I know I have nothing to offer anyone so I don’t bother trying. You can function like this. If you were in prison or disabled, you would be forced to make the best of the situation. It is not the end of the world; not easy, but not the end of the world.

    I used to say, never ask for what you are unwilling to give in a relationship, and never expect more than you have to offer. It was a brutal perspective for my present circumstances, but it is still just as true. The most loving gift I can give a future potential love is to never go looking for them. To never put them through what I am experiencing and will eventually experience. I don’t know them and never will, but that is the best gift I can give them.

    So the question you’re asking is not really the right one in my opinion. You should be asking if you would value the situation and how you would act if the roles were reversed.

    I had a partner once that thought she was doing this same thing, about to move away in a couple of months. Then she met me and I flipped her priorities in life completely for the next 2 years. You may find a similar dilemma if you choose to meet someone. So, would you date you even if you baited yourself into a long distance situation?




  • Everything will be consumed by the US election and whatever conflict arises as a result. This will result in the first organized broader scope violence since the 1860’s. I expect a Kennedy level conspiracy type event that will shape the next decade or more. Getting the guy out of office resulted in a failed coup, and the man is not in jail or dead. That alone shows that the country is dead in the water. This is like Brexit; fuck around and find out how much worse in can be. It was the same with Hitler. Inaction makes it worse because it emboldens monsters. Either way, now is the time to become a tin foil hat vender.






  • It was things said in the comments of that post and reading between the lines. I think the change is inevitable and already decided. The main active admin of .world is working on sublinks. That is enough for me to view time spent on building community on .world as a waste. If it was the other way around and they were coding in Rust and the Lemmy base was in js or whatever, maybe I’d think differently, but everything I’ve seen is a massive red flag saying sinking ship, or at least I’m on the wrong ship and regret the time spent there now. A lot of people left already. I have my other accounts, but had never made a .ml until recently in an attempt to start making sure communities were shared across larger instances, but I guess it was well timed to make the shift.