Am I happy? I certainly feel more complete since I figured things out. I don’t know though, it’s almost like asking if I’m happy I’m right handed or have curly hair. Being pan is just part of me, and it’s a part I embrace. I think when people talk about pride, what resonates to me is more “the complete absence of shame” rather than the feeling I get for accomplishing something. Happiness feels similar to me.
I’ve been in these shoes, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. Young people seem a lot more accepting of bi men in my experience, so my hope is that we’re the last generation that has to deal with this.