I just had a huge McDonald’s order. I haven’t had McDonald’s in years

It’s so good 😭😩

It’s unimaginably hard to process. But it’s a very small solace knowing that I didn’t have to go without knowing for very long. I had to practically drag it out of him. Its scary thinking about if I had found out a month or two down the line, but it’s also kind of reassuring in a way, kind of like ‘I could be hurting wayyyy worse’.

I also think being around people would be helpful for me. Focusing on other social relationships. It’s just personally hard for me to connect with others. Everything I do feels forced. I wish I had let down my guard with others enough to be able have plans with someone every day. This is the goal I will have to focus on from now on so I don’t have to feel this way in the future.

Everyone here is so kind it’s making me cry even harder, lmao. Thank you. Thank you so much for your perspective, and for your encouragement. Your confidence in me makes me feel a lot stronger. my mind gets really caught up in what ifs and just general dread around the future when what I need to do is just be present in the now.

Just wish the right now wasn’t so lonely.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I am not a social person by default (he was the extrovert), so it’s difficult for me to be more social than I am now. I do have a lot of insecurities which makes that harder but I’ve been trying to see myself in a more positive light lately.

I really like what you said about roots and connecting with the things I used to love. He was so intertwined with my life and hobbies that it’s hard to find something that doesn’t have to do with him or the both of us. I feel like I need a 180 degree, blank slate/reset. I don’t know where to start with that.

If only I could just ride the liquor until I forget I loved him. But who knows how long that will take. The liquor will have me by the end of it.

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want me to completely go because he values our friendship and the things we have built together. He said it’s okay whatever I decide, but that’s a horrible decision to have to make. I know blocking him and walking away will hurt him as a friend as well. Thankfully I’m not really active on social media and I am not the type to snoop or anything. I know no contact is probably the better route, but now I feel like I’m also letting myself and my work down

Thank you so much for this perspective. Thinking about it like that makes it easier to think about the future and be aware in my present. That being said, I’m hoping this is the highest peak because if it isn’t, I am not going to make it. My threshold for pain is in the negative digits.

I know I need to feel feelings to actually process them. I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet how drastically my life just changed. It makes me feel destructive and defeated at the same time. I want to jump out of my skin.

I plan to. It sucks because we’ve also been working closely together on a lot of dream projects and I have to decide whether to give that up and destroy what we built, or stick around and torture myself and my sanity. I can’t make that decision.

Im so sorry to hear that. That’s awful to be that close to marriage and just leaving everything you built together. I’ve gone no contact with most of my friends and family from my past because of some serious abuse issues, and have been living alone for the past three years. Prior to this he had been semi-living with me. We’d been best friends for the last 6 years. I’m a pretty solitary/private person, yet we were inseparable. Just thinking about having to be alone right now is killing me, nevermind the future.

Thank you for the kindness you’ve shared with me. I guess deep down I knew that this wasn’t the love it should have been, and I don’t want him to be stuck in a relationship he wasn’t getting any happiness out of. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him, but he absolutely has a right to his own happiness and love.

My mind knows this. My body hasn’t got the memo. I can’t stop crying.

Yeah. I’ve been talking to my sister and best friend about it. It’s late though, and they need to sleep so I’m also trying not to bother them too much right now. The loneliness and pain is honestly just overwhelming. I haven’t felt this bad since I lost my dog and that absolutely destroyed me. The night I lost her I drank until I passed out and I think I did that for the next couple of weeks.

I don’t want to do that again but I do need to numb the pain or I’ll lose my mind from lack of sleep

It’s even more hideous than I was expecting. How is that even possible

I recently built a PC for the very first time and am very ashamed to admit I had to visit old threads to help me get up and running. It’s such a tragedy what they’ve done to the site, its communities had and still have so much value. Heartbreaking that they’re so determined to run it into the ground and personally nail its own coffin shut.

I haven’t seen anyone recommend this yet but for your body itself, try using peppermint castille soap. There’s a brand here called dr.bronners, not sure if you have it in your area but you might be able to find it on Amazon. Really helps keep skin cool, sometimes I’ll just bathe my feet in it if I’ve already showered and just need to cool off a bit.

Also lose the socks and general clothing if you’re at home. A wet rag over a fan may help as well. Drink lots and lots of water. Horror movies also sometimes give me a bit of a chill! Good luck!

I didn’t even know it was humanly possible to not like music at all. What were they like? Like their personalities? Did they seem sociopathic or were they generally “normal”?

It sounds awful but also hilarious

It’s just as much a psychological horror as it is supernatural. Definitely give it a watch but NOT if you’re planning on going camping anytime soon

I have two stories from the same camping trip. Yay.

Right before my first year of university, there was this orientational camping trip that they invited all of the first years on. Only about 10 or so actually signed up, and we went upstate to visit one of the reservoirs and the campsites there. It was quite a fun trip, actually. We went kayaking and visited an old airplane hangar, among other cool things. I’d definitely go again if I had the chance.

Anyway, on the first night of our trip, we ended up having to camp at a different site than we had originally planned. This site had some issues with bears (allegedly) so we were given the usual “how not to become bear food workshop before setting up our sleeping spot for the night. I was 17 and had never gone camping before. I didn’t know there would potentially be fucking bears just casually strolling about, so I was just a little terrified.

I was pretty socially awkward at that stage of my life so when I was given the choice to share a tent with a couple of other girls or have my own single tent, I went with my own. Right before it was time to tuck in, I noticed a guy who had set up in the tent next to me sneak a bag of chips from the van into his pocket. I didn’t really think anything of it until after night fell and we were all tucked in, and I heard the telltale rustling of the bag crinkling and Cheeto dusted lip smacking. This dude was a seriously loud eater.

Naturally, I couldn’t fall asleep after that. I kept imagining that wild angry bear from Brother Bear barreling in and just laying total waste to our campsite. I overthought every rustle, sure it would be the last sound I ever heard. I was just about to worry myself to sleep when I heard something…different.

Sounded like something huge, something heavy, moving slowly, like it had all the time in the world. The thing grunted, and each sound sent chills down my spine. Whatever it was, I know it wasn’t human, because it was pitch dark and no one‘s night vision was at a level where they could navigate our campsite without a torch. It came to a stop just outside my tent, right next to my head. I couldn’t breathe, I was so fucking scared. All I could think about was how flimsy the fabric of my tent was, and how easy it would be for anything to reach right through and crush my skull like a grape. Pop my vertebrae like a glow stick. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, it moved on, but I don’t think I ever went to sleep that night. The memory of dread and not being able to see its ominous, hulking mass still makes sleep a challenge on some nights.

On the last day of our trip, we were supposed to hike this beginner trail that was good for sightseeing. We were told to leave our shit behind because the hike was supposed to be a “short” one. At some point the “short” hike turned into extreme sports rock climbing up the side of a small mountain. I had never been rock climbing on an actual mountain before, but I trusted my group leader. By the time we made it down the other side, our group leader realized that we’d taken the wrong trail and were well and truly lost. There was no cell service, and no one was able to tell which direction we had came from. Did I mention we didn’t have climbing gear? I was wearing sandals. Also, there was no “trail”.

We’re about two hours in at this point, stuck at the bottom of a rocky, jagged ravine, hopelessly lost. It was at this point that the reality hit us—we could potentially die here. After freaking out for a little, our group leader picked a direction, and had all of us follow each other in a line to keep us from being separated. They put me and another kid at the front as we were most at risk of falling behind due to inexperience and asthma making it difficult to keep up. I know it was for our safety but I felt so guilty and horrible knowing that I was slowing everyone down.

We eventually found our way back to the top of the mountain, although, because it was in another area, we had to climb down a much rockier side. That shit was so fucking dangerous, looking back. I’m honestly so surprised and grateful that we managed to escape that situation without any injuries and only slightly dehydrated. Our group leader drove us into town and bought us pizza as an apology for almost killing us.

So yeah, bears and hiking safety. Take them seriously. Bring a map. No Cheetos after dusk.