[he/him] I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to ask; I wanted to post in an active, trans people-focused community where I’d get answers that were for sure going to lead to a place that align with my values. Feel free to delete this but please explain to me if it’s offensive so I can correct my behavior going forward.
I see myself as an ally but unfortunately I don’t have any trans friends that I can talk to. I’ve worked with and been in therapy with a few before, along with reading quite a bit online in places like here, so I’m not completely oblivious about what’s going on.
One of the main things I feel I’m missing is the full vocabulary I should have in 2023. Example: I saw a post the other day either on this instance or hexbear mentioning “chasers” and had to pour through the thread to find out what that meant. I feel like an important part of advocating for trans rights as a cis person is knowing what’s offensive so if I run into it I can call it out or I don’t do something by accident out of ignorance. In the end I found out it was something I already knew was wrong but didn’t have a name for it.
I’m sorry if this sounds stupid in the end but all of us have to start learning somewhere, right? I guess I’m looking for a place where people would assume you’re asking in good faith but be open to questions coming from ignorance (not intolerance).
Continuing from before…
Pass/Passing - Passing is a term that means that when you’re among strangers, your appearance and behaviours so closely mimic your chosen gender that strangers aren’t aware that you’re transgender unless you choose to share that information.
Clocking/Getting Clocked - This is a term transgender people use to describe a situation where you’ve been publicly outed as a transgender person. It’s basically the opposite of passing.
Misgendering - This is a term for when someone uses the wrong pronouns to refer to a transgender person. Usually transwomen are she/her, transmen are he/him, and non-binary people are they/them. That’s not always the case, but try to respect people’s pronouns.
TW/CW (Trigger Warning/Content Warning) - These are not specifically terms of the transgender community but it’s something you’ll often see in safe spaces. It’s just a warning that the proceeding content might trigger sensitive people. You might see something like “TW/CW transphobia” which warns you that if you’re particularly sensitive to transphobia, you might not want to read ahead.
This post is getting really long so I’m gonna wrap it up. I hope that was helpful!
I just want to end with a concept rather than terminology. The most important thing in being a good ally is don’t draw unwanted attention to transgender people.
A good example of that is the issue with pronouns. If transgender people are the only ones that introduce themselves by saying their name and their pronouns, then they’re essentially clocking themselves by introducing themselves that way, but if they don’t then they’re risking people misgendering them.
It’s also not great for you to ask for a person’s pronouns because if you ask a transgender person that question, they could easily interpret the question as implying that you’ve clocked them. Instead, it’s best if allies insist on introducing themselves by using name and pronouns even if they’re cisgender.
It’s like with the word “partner”. It used to be that if you said “my partner” it basically meant you were gay. So gay people would be forced to out themselves by saying (husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc) or trying to be ambiguous and saying “partner”. Allies have taken it upon themselves to start using the term “partner” even in cis-straight relationships to help give gay people the option on whether they want to out themselves or not when referring to their partner.
Basically, just try to be kind, try not to clock us, and listen and learn when corrected by a transgender person. And you might have noticed that I try to say “transgender person” as much as possible. That’s a good habit to get into because it humanizes us and reinforces in your head that we are people and deserve the same rights and respect as everyone else. Thanks for reading! 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈