im sad and have noone to talk to about it… except for wifey, and two friends… but this is about one of the two friends, and they are friends with each other too… and telling wifey about it always leads to me feeling worse because she’ll say clever things like “just talk to him about it” …
i dont want to talk to him about it, that would mean i would have to acknowledge the problem and address it directly.
what a silly way to deal with emotional turmoil, am i right?
no i know im not right… i wouldnt be posting this crap if i knew i was right. i know im wrong and i should talk to him about it but i just cant ;_;
yeah… i know you must be thinking i need therapy and you would be absolutely right, except i hate going to the doctor and them being a special type of doctor for the mind and such doesnt make my detestation for docs any better.
sorry this really isnt about me being transfem. i AM transfem, but that doesnt have anything to do with the rest of it… except i cut off most people i knew even before i transitioned… just because they would no longer be part of my daily life. which sucks but i guess i did this to myself so serves me right.
anyway, im sad, tired, nostalgic and have no point. thanks for reading ._.
i now feel like my text could be interpreted with a nasty intonation on “clever things”? as in sarcasm or cynicism?
i didnt mean it that way, i love her and its just that idk what my problem is with that guy… i dont think it’s him but my continued social distancing. i mean… i dont mask, just as nobody does around here, except when we go to the doctor with a respiratory infection (though depending on the situation i might mask anyway) so it’s not much but i hope by not going out unnecessarily and using social media as an ersatz social life… well rly its more like sitting on an island and waiting for a bottle to arrive… admin should actually ban me so i get out more or something… sorry now im rambling… my main problem is probably my broccoli dependency. queue half-baked-esque-scene of the addicts-anonymous-self-help-group booing the protagoni…is he though? ok: main character, off the stage… if it wasnt for that, i would have more money and could afford a mask or one for all of my friends actually… one of those battery powered thingies or idk… this shitpiece simulacra of a life is getting on my nerves
thank you for talking to me