Things in poor neighborhoods are done differently than in middle- and upper- class neighborhoods. People that grow up in poor neighborhoods develop behaviors, customs, and beliefs that are different from other neighborhoods because they are part of surviving in the struggle. When they move on up, some of those behaviors, customs, and beliefs are no longer necessary and can even be harmful (e.g. strong reactions to perceived attacks). Others may actually provide an advantage (e.g. living through power outages). Regardless, these changes can cause a sense of estrangement from their childhood and original culture, leading to some resistance. Given all that:
What did you change and what did you keep?
I stopped pulling over to pull useful items out of other people’s trash.
I still look, but I haven’t yanked a chair or TV in years.
hard for me, neighbor likes to throw away computer cases when he upgrades, got a nice mechanical steel series keyboard too. my son and I cleaned it up, filled it with parts and now he has a decent computer. saved me $300 retail and he learned how to test things to make sure they worked, like io cables and whatnot. win win.
yoooo, my first adult bed, furniture set, and laptop were from the trash. rich kids in college towns throw out the best stuff. it was a Compaq, and the only problem was overheating because it needed that heat sink lube.
heatsink lube
thermal paste? lol
lol yeah, the grey sticky stuff 😋
I’m really good at surviving with a very small amount of money. For a while I also would steal food from wherever I could get it, I thankfully don’t have to do that anymore but the skills are there.
I used to live off of the leftover food of people who didn’t finish their plate at a restaurant.
me being autistic at the same time not knowing that was looked down upon: you gonna finish your fries??
how to avoid appearing like you just escaped the lower classes:
- stop keeping everything, just in case you might need it
- stop buying random crap without seeing how it can justify your space/money/time.
- stop eating garbage. eat consciously, expect you will need to feel great instead of stopping hunger.
- stop keeping in touch with toxic people just because you might need them someday.
- stop seeking attention with the way you dress and talk, etc. don’t appear needy. aim for tasteful.
- preventative maintenance. fix things that are wonky before they fail at a bad time.
- appear competent and secure, give eye contact, listen.
- stop keeping in touch with toxic people just because you might need them someday.
This one is big.
Had a talk with a guy recently. He’s always putting other people ahead of him to give his life meaning. And yet it also stresses him out, doesn’t get anything in return, and is only doing it because of a hypothetical “they’d do the same”. But they don’t?
Why’d you have to call me out like that with those first three?
(Seriously, not keeping stuff is so difficult. It’s a strain on my marriage and I wish I could just flip a switch and not feel that instinct)
Yooooo, I needed to hear a few of those. Thank you very much!
Ditto, this post was quite helpful!
glad to hear it… try them for a month and report back what you experienced
you got it, dude 👶👍
I used to keep EVERYTHING under lock and key, or under my direct supervision. I have been robbed multiple times. Turns out, not everyone is a shitty person. TBH I kinda still do it. Not to the extremes I used to though.
“the sticks” doesn’t mean poor, it just means in the countryside (at least in the UK). On the estate(s) would be correct for us.
I didn’t grow up particularly poor, but became poor upon moving out of the family home. This led to making do with very limited ingredients, finding bargains, and that has stuck with me ever since. I’ve saved a lot of money down the years, can live very frugally for a period of time when I really need to, and as such became a homeowner because I knew how to knuckle down and avoid unnecessary expenditure, perhaps to the detriment of my health at times.
In the US, “estates” sounds vaguely wealthy. For example, a fancy garage sale is an Estate Sale (which kinda implies a rich person died and this is their estate being liquidated.)
It’s short for council estate. We also have the same connotation if you own an estate, a large parcel of land with a big house or whatever.
I think your “council estate” is our “section 08,” govt provided shitty housing projects?
“the sticks” doesn’t mean poor
Is there an informal term that would describe poor rural neighborhoods similar to ghetto/barrio?
Trailer park :/
Americans tend to equate “county” with “poor” because they don’t have first-hand experience with country people. They might also be confused because ostentatious displays of wealth are considered tacky here in the South.
I’m from the rural South and there are plenty of ostentatious displays of wealth. Particularly surrounding how your home looks - decorating for every single holiday for no reason comes to mind.
Plenty of rural Americans are super poor. It generally takes more money to live in the city so that should make some sense. I grew up rural poor - my family were partially subsistence farmers, cutting our grocery bill.
To answer the question from OP - I’m not sure I count as properly middle class but I’m definitely more stable than I was growing up, so I’ll say my biggest changes are being more conscious of what I look and smell like. When you’re poor, everything smells like whatever’s on sale. I have kept my tendency to overbuy during sales for anything is shelf stable for long periods of time even if I already have plenty.
When you’re poor, everything smells like whatever’s on sale.
That’s right!! For me, it was like whatever I had that was nice. If someone got me a nice shirt, I would protect that shirt and only wear it to special events that I knew would not place the shirt in any danger (physical activity, stains from cooking or painting, etc.). I kind of still do that and have a few shirts that are ~20 years old, a backpack that is 23 years old, and a multi-tool that’s about 21 yrs old. Never though that was associated with growing up poor, but it makes sense now.
Casual racism that only intensified the inequity. Realize it’s the billionaire class that’s benefiting from the in fighting.
I’ve CPTSD
A big thing is thinking about finances constantly and asking those kinds of questions in social settings. It’s more of a common thing to do when you’re in a poorer environment.
Everyone talks about finances… but upper class has different “struggles”
