I did all the things. Transitioned. Quit opioids and cigarettes. Went back to school. Got discriminated against and persevered. Quit my last job because of anti LGBT policy and got my dream job.

Oh, and I did all that since 2020.

And it’s a nightmare. I’m isolated. No support, and I found out today my coworkers hate me and think I’m trash.

I don’t know what to do. Go back to school? It’s just going to be more of the same. In the last five years, I achieved more than I ever thought I could. And I’ve never been more alone or miserable than I am right now.

I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.

So what’s the point?

  • uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    17·
    5 months ago

    I’m tired of living in a world that doesn’t want me, that I’ll never be good enough for. My parents were right, I’m never going to be good enough.

    Here in the States, I’ve discovered it’s more that society isn’t good enough for us. Our teachers, ministers, officials and yes, even our care providers expect us to give 110% and fix ourselves from within and be categorically useful while still half-assing their own jobs and providing poor service, themselves.

    I deal with suicidality daily, and the Trump years and since have been just shitty all around. At the end of 2016, the general sentiment for the new year was It can’t get worse. 2017 said hold my beer and then gawked at awe at 2018.

    Then the epidemic and lockdown happened, and I’m struggling to get professional care, myself. And in a holding pattern until I do.

    Right now, my effort is to check in with my peers, and remind them they aren’t failing in a harsh society, rather the society is failing, and is not even providing consistent standards we might strive for. It’s why the alt-right and Christian nationalists are gleeful to leave the rest of us to the elements in desperation to find a place to fit in.

    You are beautiful and and valid and worth more than the crap this society spews out like so much industrial soot. You deserve so much more than the dystopian late-capitalist hellhole we live in. And there are others out there, also deserving, who wonder if it’s all their own fault.