Hello! I’m here 'cause i’m very, VERY confused about what i am. I’m 26, virgin, never even kissed. I have always thought i was (and maybe, deep down, still think) a straight guy, but now i don’t know anymore. Now i’m very very confused about my sexuality and masculinity.
I wanna say that i watch sissy hypno (porn videos that should brainwash you to become and think like a girl) since i was 16 years old. Now when i watch porn i always imagine to be the girl. I have used my mom’s clothes in the past (i don’t remember if i already started watching sissy hypno). I’m also in a particular situation down there: I think I’m so conditioned by sissy hypno, bbc, big cocks, porn etc that now i don’t properly “jerk off” anymore, 'cause now i always cum HANDSFREE (without touching myself), in my underwear and in my pants, just watching porn and imagining to be the girl… i literally wet myself. As i said before, i have always thought i was a straight guy, although i have become kind of “obsessed” with a particular porn actor (a male one), and he REALLY makes me doubt my sexuality a lot… I have also favourite female pornostars, but with them i’m never 100% sure WHY i like them so much… If it’s because i simply wanna have sex with them or 'cause i wanna be LIKE them.
I have tried to stop watching porn (my record is a month) but nothing changes. I always come back and i have always urges to be a girl. If i stop and i try to masturbate with pics of solo girls it’s “difficult” for me, 'cause it’s difficult to think about having sex with them, but i think things like “i wanna be her friend”/“I wanna dress up with/like her”/“I wanna take pics in front of the mirror with her”/“I wanna be like her” etc…
The problem is that i think i’m not a girl and that i’m not gay 'cause i think it’s just a fetish. If when i’m horny i imagine to be a girl, when i cum PNC (Post Nut Clarity) hits and i wanna be a guy again. It’s like having 2 different personalities. Also, i don’t think i’m gay 'cause okay, maybe i like cock, but JUST if it’s big and thick, otherwise no… It could exist the most beautiful man in the world, but if he does not have a big thick cock i won’t like him.
So yeah, that’s me… sorry if it’s too long and sorry for bad english but i’m not a native speaker.
What do you think i am? I need opinions and suggestions…
Um ok, first of all, the sexual fantasies, kinks, fetishes, attractions – that’s not gender. That has nothing to do with your gender.
“Sissy hypno” isn’t going to turn you into a girl, or teach you how to “think like a girl”. I don’t have a problem with it, in fact it can be fun sometimes, but it’s not really my thing.
Your gender is something you were born with, whether you acknowledge it, whether you even know it. It’s inside you, it’s who you are. As you seem confused about this, you are what I would call “questioning” or exploring your gender identity but haven’t come to a solid conclusion yet.
Gender is more complex than boy vs girl. A person can also be nonbinary gender: either a blend of boy and girl, or neither. If you are a boy, it doesn’t matter what you do or think, you will always be a boy. If you are a girl, it’s the same. Once that clicks into place, you will understand.
Gender is also different than having masculine or feminine traits or personality. Women can be masculine, and men can be feminine, it happens sometimes. But their genders don’t change.
Sexuality is similar, your orientation is something you’re born with. And it is far more complex than gay or straight. You could be bisexual, asexual, demisexual – there are many possibilities.
Porn isn’t reality, so until you are really with someone, you won’t know what you like. Trust me, it’s so different being with a real person. Sometimes you imagine you will feel one way, but in the moment it’s completely different.
I was a virgin and unkissed until age 32, so I kinda understand where you are. I think you may be struggling with guilt or shame over your gender and/or sexuality, which is confusing the situation. Remember it’s not about what others think, not family or friends or religion, you are who you are. If you are a straight man, that’s valid. If you are a gay man, or straight girl, or bisexual enby, that is also valid!
Don’t worry about who you are supposed to be. You wanna know what it’s like to dress like a girl, wear makeup, have a female name, use she/her pronouns? Try it! You might hate it, or you might like it. At some point you need to get out of your head, and discover who you really are :)