I feel like since starting hrt I feel more hopeless, and I look and realize that I’ll never look like a girl, there’s nothing I can do. My life is essentially over. While yes I look better than I did pre hrt I still look bad and I hate myself and the person I am.
Are you getting treatment for depression? Or alcoholism? There’s medicine for both of those that can help (although it can take trial and error). Also therapy.
HRT can’t help everything. I was definitely expecting too much when I started, and after a year I felt in a similar position to you. . Fortunately, I started therapy and antidepressants, and they’ve slowly helped. They’ve helped me better appreciate the changes from hrt too.
Think of it like this: testosterone is like a dog biting you. HRT is when the dog finally lets go. But you still have that wound that needs to heal. For some people, it just needs a little time to heal. Others need bandages, stitches, antibiotics, etc.
I definitely needed antidepressants and therapy on top of HRT. I’m still not quite where I’d like to be, but holy shit it’s been much easier with the professional help.
And just one more thing to emphasize: there are prescription drugs that help with alcoholism. Benzos are used to manage withdrawals, if that’s needed (although some people aren’t comfortable taking benzos). Naltrexone lessens cravings, and isn’t something like a benzo that can get you hooked