Thanks for the updated. I have edited the post to reflect the latest information.

Thanks, have added it. Sorry for delay, had a busy month.

Thanks, that is interesting. However since it remains unfederated, I won’t confuse people by putting it in the fediverse guide. I am glad you have included it as a reply though.

Since the abuser is no longer there, and there is no problems with abusive behaviour or rules from that instance, continued defederation seems a bit strong, especially when there are far worse instances everyone is still federated with (stux, gargamel, and all the meta ‘wait and see’ sell outs etc). At this point it seems that it is just a grudge and bad blood between instance admins, and it is users that suffer the consequences.

From what I understand Laurelai was booted from eightpoint though, so the fact eightpoint is still defederated is a point of some other drama.

It already does include chaosfem.tw. Never heard of toot.cat, so adding now. I was aware that eightpoint and tech.lgbt defedded over something, but not any others. My instance still federates with eightpoint and I still have friends there. Everyone there seems chill so it seems a bit odd.

I kinda feel ‘Toni’ fits somewhere between these, but maybe that is just me.

Will have to make it down to Edinburgh Pride one year. This year will just being doing the Highland Pride here in Inverness on July 22nd.

Huh. Pride day isn’t until 22nd July here, so will have to wait and see. Will be my first since transition.

rofl

Thanks. Have added it.

Thanks. I have added it to the list.

Thanks. I’m sure that is just oversight on the admin here’s part. I’ve seen no indication from either that they are tankie friendly. I’ll let them know. I’ll also add beehaw.org to the list.

You are right not to want answers along the lines of ‘you are trans’ or ‘you are not trans’. You are right that you are the only person that can answer that. As a non-binary trans woman, I can tell you that ‘being trans’ isn’t a uniform experience that can be easilly put in neatly defined boxes with easy to recognise checkboxes to tick off.

Even if it turns out you are cisgendered, it is good that you are questioning gender. Some of what we think about as ‘gender’ is social expectations that are entirely toxic. And more cisgendered men should question those gender norms.

Then you have femboys, and other cisgendered men that have a gender non conforming expression in terms of presentation, clothing, hairstyles and makeup. Expression is not identity. Of course some femboys are nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys. But most nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys are not femboys. Again, identity is not expression.

Ultimately all you can do is work out what makes you happy. Does the thought of being a woman spark joy? Does the thought of being neither man or woman (agender) spark joy? Does the thought of being both man and woman spark joy? Or man and agender? Or woman and agender? Or being masc but not quite a man (demiboy)? Or the thought of being almost a woman but not quite (transfem)?

Answering those questions won’t give you a definitive answer, just a starting point for exploration. As you explore you may find your answers to those questions change as you pilot yourself and your life towards where you want to be.

Maybe you need a more interesting life?