So, I am a minor, at this point almost 100% a trans woman and I sometimes suddenly have these urges when I am with either of my parents to tell them. I know they are transphobic and most likely wouldn’t accept me, but I still get this feeling and I hate it.
It’s really normal to yearn for validation/acceptance of people in one’s life. It’s a kind of purgatory to wonder if the positive relationships in your life are invalidated by something that you can’t choose to be. It’s especially difficult, given the zeitgeist of anti-trans vitriol.
I’m really sorry that you have to go through this right now. Is your city large enough to have in-person resources for queer youth? Do you have any friends or family that are more open-minded? Things are 1000% easier if you have at least one person who accepts and supports you just the way you are in real life.
So sorry you’re going through this. I leaned into this in the past and just threw it in people’s faces because I was so done being closeted and self-hating. It felt awesome in the moment, but it didn’t go well for me.
I personally have never been able to exorcise this feeling without coming out. But since you are still dependent on your parents - is there any way to express these feelings through art or some other activity? Physical exercise and killing things in video games helps me with the rage, while art-making has occasionally helped my feelings of grief and sadness.
It’s so hard. It probably isn’t much comfort, but you’re not alone in feeling like this.
Sounds like occasionally you have the urge to be yourself with those around you. No shame in that. I’m sorry you can’t atm, but hey it’s not forever.
I’m a cis gay man and a step father. I’m probably your parents age. I know it doesn’t mean much but I hear you, see you, and accept you. You are loved and valued. 🩷
Sorry to hear that :( Being unable to live your authentic life is incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.
It gets easier and better as you get older and parents/other people have less control in your life.
I am quite a bit older than you, and frequently experience the opposite problem as a cis gay man. Coming out to literally everyone in life is somewhat exhausting and is why I have a slight preference for queer spaces these days.
Same situation here, I want to come out to get it over with and to let it out of my chest, but it’s not safe for me to do so.
I also get the urge to come out to parents. Hate that we can’t be honest
I 100 % understand that it’s not easy and you may be scared of making that step even with supporting parents.
But we tend to imagine the outcome will be much worse than what it will probably be. And of course I don’t know your situation and maybe your fear of a bad outcome is fully justified.
If you are sure your parents are transphobic and you still depend on them, maybe you will have to assess when it’s a safe moment for you to make that move.
I think the best thing you can do is to seek help from an affirmative psychologist to help you assimilate that no one should give up living their own lives for the fear of upsetting or disappointing others and help you find the best moment to safely start asserting your identity. If that’s not an option for you because seeking that kind of help would still need to go through your parents, you can search for local or online LGBT support groups.
