Three seashells and a poop knife was good enough for my pappy and my grandpappy and his pappy before him, and it’s damn well good enough for me & my sons.
I wish I could upvote this twice.
Gifting mine in your name, I got your back.
And my bidet…
And my axe!
I’d love to buy a bidet. I just can’t afford it.
There’s tops you can buy really cheap that you can put in a bottle and have a very cheap bidet. I think for many people it’s a struggle to change their mind that this is also OK and it doesn’t have to cost thousands of $$$
$20 for a bolt on unit that fits on your seat, even cheaper for a bum gun. Live your dreams
Sadly, I still can’t afford that.
What can I say? I am a broke-ass bitch. Lol.
You can also use a water bottle or watering can, although I can’t really recommend that experience but that’s what people who are socialized to use them do when they can’t afford/install a proper one.
Bum gun now for 20 years after visiting SE Asia decades ago and relealising smearing shit around your ass with paper really was just fucking weird
DIY install for about $20 and no TP.
a bum gun, lmao
Using mine rn
Thanks. That’s a reasonable review. I hate that people claim bidets to be magic.
If you had poop on your arm, would you clean it with water or just wipe it with a dry towel and call it a day?
Would you only use water or would you also wipe it, use soap as well?
If you want to use soap, you can use soap. But would you rather clean you poop smeared hand with water or just wipe with toilet paper?
Would you rather wipe that soap off with TP or water?
Would you lick it off or let the sun bake it until it’s a hard crust and crumbles off
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Added bonus: It removes hair, just like waxing.
Bidets fuck hard.
I know Europe loves to shit all over the US on this topic.
Unless I’m sick, well over 95% of my poops take place immediately before I shower. I don’t really see how this is any different.
So basically everytime you take a poop you have to shower…
You mean to tell me that you rather wash your whole body every single day once or twice wether it’s summer or winter wether you left the house to do any activity or stayed at home all of this commitment just so you don’t give in and use a bidet. God Americans y’all are so special.
I mean to tell you that I’m that regular. Once in the morning and I’m done until tomorrow.
And yes, I wash my body every single day. Are you telling me the paragon of asshole cleanliness that is Europeans doesn’t?
God Europeans are so eager so shit on an of us. Is it the orange monkey we elected? I’d that that did it?
What happens when you take a shit away from home?
Wet wipes
This is literally plumbing genocide. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
Only if you flush them
So you leave poopy wipes in other people’s bathroom trash cans?
USonians will go to any lengths to avoid spending $30 to keep their butts clean.
Owning a bidet isn’t going to do anything for you when you’re shitting outside of the house tho.
Portable bidets have entered the chat
I believe they looks for a fountain ⛲ or a 💨 river in some woods while hunting ducks to shower so long as they don’t wipe it’s all good same shit with measurements anything is a measurement tool unless if it’s in the metric system
Go choke on a two ounce kinder egg
it sounds like you understand the value of using water to clean your butthole after you poop… so why not spend the $30 on a bidet just in case you ever do have a poop and don’t want to shower? or hell just so you don’t use as much TP before hopping in the shower. or for anyone else using your toilet and not wanting to hop in the shower…
I grew up in a Muslim country and I hate these. They are always either too strong or too weak. And they somehow always leak (no idea why).
Wet wipes ftw.
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You were right, it’s for your ass. No clue what they were talking about.
Usually they have a gauge that handles pressure, so if it hydroblasted you then start a bit lower.
Just remember that there is no such thing as a flushable wet wipe. Even the ones that say they are.
Afaik, this is false. There actually are flushable wet wipes that dissolve in water just like regular TP, but a little slower. Just make sure to check it for yourself and don’t rely on what the packaging says.
Exactly, that’s what the little bin next to the toilet is for.
To collect your wet, smelly, non-degradable rags? No thanks, I’ll keep the bidet.
All I hear is skill issue
I think this can work as well…
They are just bad quality then
When people think a bidet is stupid, I always ask: If you had poop on your arm, would you clean it with water or just wipe it with a dry towel and call it a day?
Not to mention it’s less irritating for ur bum
Loudermilk had an episode on this.
lick it off like a cat
If only
Hey, that’s mine. You can’t have it.
🥺👉👈
This is a trap, literally none of you want to hear why bidets are disgusting and I will not be dragged into this again.
Fuck bidets and everyone who recommends them.
what? I like them but I’m happy to hear your arguments if you would articulate them.
“You’re wrong I’m right but I won’t tell you why” is the opposite of a useful comment
Every time I lay out my talking points about moisture contact and contaminated spray you fucknuggets just spam my inbox with insults so I have zero interest in arguing with any of you wetasses.
Well then don’t comment at all. Like I said I am happy to hear your arguments but now you just made me frustrated…
I’m pretty sure the reason you’re getting spammed with insults is that you have a very abrasive commenting style. At least that’s my opinion based on the last two I’ve read :D
Wrong.
Nope.
Yup, you’re wrong. And you have a dirty ass.
Incorrect. I didn’t even know what skidmarks were till my bidet insisting roommate described them. I thought she was making a sick joke.
So? Just because you don’t have skid marks doesn’t mean you don’t have a dirty, stinky ass.
Also has nothing to do with your claim. The idea that washing your ass after a shit is somehow worse than not washing it is literally one of the dumbest takes I’ve ever seen.
You’re nasty as fuck, dude.
This is the exact fucking harassment I get every fuckdamn time the bidet cultists catch wind, and I am so fuckdamn tired of it.
Listen, wetass, if you enjoy spraying fecal mist all over your bathroom while simultaneously drenching every square inch of your ass in bacterial medium that’s on you. I know how to wipe and my partners have never had an issue going down town for dinner and NONE of them were ever shy about informing me on my odor.
You just want license to make your anal fetish public and its disgusting.
You still have to wipe though, right? Using just water to clean it off your arm would still leave a stain. You have to make contact to rub away what remains somehow.
I’ve used a few bidets and while it was fun and they did an ok job there was no soap involved and I still had to wipe. I don’t hate them, they make some sense, but a bidet is not magic.
If the pressure is right u should be able to get everything, but yeah even then you need to dry it.
I’ve used a bidet for a decade and the only reason I have to wipe is to dry off
Only if you have a solid one. If your poo is sticky it leaves a smear and even high pressure water won’t shift, and that’s when you need a wipe.
You’ve never used one and it shows.
I have. A bunch of times. They are in most of the hotel rooms I stay in.
Then you don’t use it well. Which is fine, it took me a while to get used to mine and use it effectively.
it’s water. what do you think is “using it well”? the only way to properly sanitize an asshole is drench it in water and use a little soap. Change your diet several days beforehand if you want to have fun down there.
I use one and have IBS with issues as you describe. The bidet is miles better, and previous to that I had to use wet wipes because TP wasn’t even as effective as that. You’re using it incorrectly if you think it’s less effective than paper.
I don’t think it is less effective. I tthink it is more efficient but isn’t perfect.
Wipe your shit, wash your ass and wipe again to dry off your anus.
This has never happened to me across a wide variety of shits
No. If you are using a decent bidet and using it correctly, you do not need to wipe. At most you’ll need to dab dry, but some models have blow driers so this isn’t necessary. The water is the friction you need unless your bidet has weak pressure or the stream is too dispersed.
Soap would always be better, but water alone is vastly superior and a complete replacement for wiping so long as something isn’t wrong with the setup.
There are people who always have super solid movements that don’t leave a trail. Many of us have a variety of textures that smear as they exit. A bidet removes the majority of it but never all, and wiping reveals what is left behind.
There are people who always have super solid movements that don’t leave a trail. Many of us have a variety of textures that smear as they exit.
I get that, but my experience has been that even greasy, sticky shits get properly washed off my bum so long as I use a decent bidet and know how to use it properly. I haven’t found an instance where a bidet has been insufficient and I don’t mean to belittle anyone, but there is a bit of a learning curve and perhaps it was a lack of experience or the lack of quality equipment?
Poops that would leave me wiping 20x and with a sore, bleeding asshole while wiping are not an issue with a wash. I guess someone’s poop could be very different from mine, but I haven’t run into such an issue after using one for years unless I just didn’t wash properly.
A bidet removes the majority of it but never all, and wiping reveals what is left behind.
This can absolutely be true, but it’s an indication of improper washing and the need for a repeat or a better bidet.
You still have to wipe though, right?
Yes, of course.
Honestly I’d say wiping my arm with a bunch of paper towels is about the same as spraying it down with a garden hose. I feel like people who say otherwise have never actually tried to rinse something off their body with just water pressure and no scrubbing.
I still plan to get a bidet because it’s less irritating as you said.
Hey, fellow Spuds fan. I have a similar one but it’s: "If you smeared peanut butter on the outside of a watermelon but wiped it off with dry toilet paper, wouldn’t you expect it to still smell like peanut butter?
Honestly, I feel like they’re both gonna smell like peanut butter about the same
Especially if you do that with a potato instead of a watermelon
Certainly the one you’ve sprayed after wiping would smell less like peanut butter though? The first thing we do when cleaning anything seriously is get the wiper/scrubber/sponge/paper towel wet, with either water or cleaning solutions.
The moral of the story is y’all need to wash your asses however it gets done.
I mean if your argument is that things will be cleaner if you wash them twice (once with paper and once with water), compared to washing it once, then the answer is obviously yes washing twice will make things cleaner than washing them once.
I do agree that alternating between scrubbing (paper) and rinsing (bidet) will probably get you cleaner - but based on the comments I see, that’s not what bidet users are actually doing.
But yes, folks need to wash their asses better.
And their hands too, way too many people leave public washroom without washing their hands. Wtf.No, that’s not my argument. It’s that the first thing we do when we are about to wipe down a counter (or anything else) with a rag is to get the rag wet. It’s that none of us trust a dry wiping/cleaning tool to be effective, it’s just going to smear the funk around.
No, the first things you do when you’re about to wipe a counter with a rag is to get a rag.
Sometimes you wipe with a wet cloth, occasionally you wipe with a dry cloth, but you never wipe with no cloth and just water.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think TP is better that bidets, but this sanctimonious metaphor is just so dumb that I can’t deal with it.
You haven’t understood my pretty clear language and then are calling my metaphor dumb? Wow.
You don’t wipe with no cloth and just water alone? No shit, are you going for a promotion from Captain Obvious to Major Lee Obvious?
Your “no, the first thing you do is get the rag” is about the dumbest response I can imagine and inaccurate since the situation was framed as “wipe with a rag” implying a situation where one already has the rag. You might as well have wrote “the first thing you do is put on appropriate non-skid footwear and remove any rings.”
You’re not pedantic, you’re pretending to score points by calling me out for omitting the incredibly obvious parts that really didn’t need to be said at all.
Hwat
This question shows that people can have differing standards of cleanliness and it’s OK. Because the answer is “would you spray your arm with water only or would you use soap?” Bidets don’t use soap, so with either bidet or paper you can still feel dirty until a shower, it’s just what level of dirty you’re willing to accept.
Fallacy of relative privation. Red herring. Some other fallacy maybe. But a fallacy none the less.
Also, people with bidets still take showers so we may not use soap all the time but they we still do. A guy I used to play football with would never use a bidet nor wash his ass with soap cause a man’s finger near an ass is gay even if it’s his ass and finger
Either way you’re being a jerk
Then maybe the answer could be something like a car wash machine: first pass with soap and then only water.
Honestly I would love that.
No idea what you’re trying to say. Generally all people (whether bidet or paper users) use soap when taking a shower, but virtually no one uses it on their ass in the bathroom. Ergo you’re “dirty” until the shower. For you a bidet feels clean and paper users are dirty. For a “neat freak” they have to immediately wash their ass with soap and non-soap bidet users are dirty.
People have different preferences and it’s not a logical fallacy.
Most people use toilet paper > Bidet users says hey this is a better way > Toilet paper users (and you for some reason) say well you’re not using soap so it’s not actually clean so why use one.
You’re arguing something that wasn’t in the original argument, that makes it a fallacy.
Also, if they made a Bidet with soap I would use it but they don’t. So until there us soap use the water.
The original argument (question) was “would you use water or paper to clean shit off your arm” and the answer for most people is “definitely neither water or paper alone, soap needs to be in there somewhere”. Limiting it to either water or paper only is a binary fallacy.
What if someone criticized you for not using soap with a bidet? That’s what bidet advocates are doing for paper users. My point was that people have different standards and that’s not a bad thing. This made me a “jerk” to you for some reason.
For the record I’ve used bidets and they’re fine (although some people probably feel that public bidets are kind of gross when compared to paper), but the cleanliness factor is pretty close in most situations IMO. It’s not like I was advocating for not washing your ass for a week or something.
So if you had no soap available and shit on your arm, what would you use? Only paper? Or water? Your argument is fucking stupid. Of course people have different standards of cleanliness but the guy who doesnt clean his ass at all also has a different standard of cleanliness, and his standard is fucking disgusting.
So paper only is the equivalent to not cleaning your ass? You’re exaggerating-- I wasn’t advocating not washing your ass for a week.
The original posed the question as if those are the only two options. Because, since there are no bidets that also shoot soap (at least not that I’ve seen anywhere), those are the only two options.
Then coming in and saying yeah well what about soap is irrelevant. Making it a fallacy. It’s as if two people were arguing if salt or pepper is better to use on cooking food and then you came in and said yeah well there’s actually a lot of seasonings you can use instead of just salt and pepper. Great, we know that but that’s not what we were arguing as we only have salt and pepper.
How much are you getting paid, shill?
Bidets don’t use soap? Well, I use soap on every use, what kind of bidet instructions do you follow up? Sponge and hands, a bidet is like a mini shower in your groins without a full body implication, is just a washbasin at a convenient height… don’t you wash your hands and your face in the morning with soap in the washbasin?
EDIT: Probably we imply different things for “bidet”, I got South European one in mind…
I highly recommend the rinseworks bidet. It is designed much better than the one from the pic. You don’t have to shove your entire hand in the toilet to use it. https://rinseworks.com/
Such a huge difference in cleanliness when using these.
Everytime I travel I wonder how the godless savages live like this
A lot of middle eastern countries have these at hotels.
You can buy portable bidets! Been a game changer for travel
like walking on others poop/butt water is so civilized. wet wipes are the way to go.
Sorry. You are all primitive peoples if not using a toto.
I don’t have an outlet next to my toilet. I would love to add them though but I’m gonna need an electrician
Can sometimes drop one pretty easily from ceiling vent van or light switch. If not, yeah electrician might be needed. Make it a gift to yourself if you are able. It’s one of those decisions there’s no way you are going to regret.
i mean if your bidet doesn’t even have wifi what are you doing with your life
Mine auto-tweets which number and the health profile of what I did and even switches between accounts based upon who is using it. Biometric scanning and mass data collection is used to match you with the correct account. If you don’t have one, it registers new users without an account. Obviously filters out those under 13 as they don’t meet the terms of service.
When you flush it also plays a recording of a random tweet from our Lord and Savior Elon’s account in his voice.
Edit: Can’t wait for my Cyber Truck to arrive so I can connect it and activate the feature where it honks my truck’s horn every time I flush.
If he’s coming through with these…
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=ds81B9Fd7HE
homeboy’s gonna like… get it 😉
I love the idea that someone gets so conditioned by that song, that they either can’t poop without hearing it, or whenever they do hear it in a public place, they immediately shit themselves.
Full HD and in stereo!
Shat as far as what now?
Wouldn’t recommend. I bought a Kärcher brand one some time ago, it had too much pressure. Got my butt cleaned to the bone though.
I like a diesel-fired Hotsy, myself.
You need to use the valve to adjust the pressure. They’re also not all the same.
I come for the clean bum. I stay for the surprise enema.
My bidet BLASTS my bits and I love it. I’m ALWAYS bits-clean.
In finland they are adjusted by the tap so you can have appropriate temp./pressure.
Extra pressure seems to have done wonders for Wim Hof.
There are pressure and temperature regulators you’re supposed to attach with them so that you can have control over both
Edit in case you’re interested, it’s called a bidet mixing valve, and you can control temp and pressure with a single accessory which you attach to your existing plumbing. The controls for the adjustments are kept outside of the wall and look like any regular shower control for temp. They sell them in any number of stylings and finishes
To the bone, you say?
Yeah… I probably should have watched some reviews before buying this.
“Dad’s awfully noisy in the toilet these days!” “It’s his new bidet! He says it cleans his arse to the bone!” “To the bone, you say?”
And his wife?
To the bone, you say!
I have the same, cleaned my tonsils a treat at the same time.
Galorta squad represent!
